☆ n i k k y c h a n ☆

been doing alot of thinking recently. reminiscing to be exact. kinda feel that life has passed me by too quickly. and i realised, i aint the 21 year old girl i was 4 years ago. though id like to be. but i gotta admit at some point, that im not a little girl anymore. i hear wedding bells ringing every now and then. people i knew back in my poly and post-poly days, are getting hitched, one at a time. its kinda scary when you realised, time isnt gonna rewind back. whats gone is gone.

ive been wondering, have i really made the most out of my prime years. yes, i had my fun. those times you grabbed a random stranger in the club and kissed him for no rhyme nor reason, just cos you felt like it. those times you basked in the feeling of chasing and being chased. the times you can just basically do whatever you want, without worries and constraints and no responsiblity of any sort. i miss that feeling.

and then there were all the different guys that came and gone in my life. no matter how long or short the time, how good or bad, how many tears and heartbreaks they've put me through, and how many smiles and laughter we've shared, they kinda made me the girl i am today. and for that i thank all of you :) and i hope i left some footprints in your life too, that makes you smile a little when you think back about those times, those moments.

then there's this list of stuff i wish i could change about the past:
- i wish i got off my butt and took up some sort of CCA back in poly. wanted Dance, Song Composing or Magnum Force. and then i kept waiting and waiting around. and it never happened. and eventually i graduated, without a single CCA to my name.
- i wish i pursued something further in singing. i was looking for the easy way around. but i realised, there really isnt. all it took was determination.
- i seriously wish i took up my dad's offer of taking my uni studies overseas. part time uni = no uni life. i missed out on everything there was to be a university student, and i regret it till this very day.
- wanted to pick up acoustic guitar, and again, procrastinated.

a whole checklist of to-dos that just didnt happen. sigh~

adulthood and responsibilities are so not for me. i cant seem to handle them properly. they piss me off so badly.

i really really REALLY miss the yesteryears of 21.
if there was some Neverland out there, id be the first to sign up.
GROWING UP REALLY SUCKS.