im an absolute mess tonight. i dont know whats wrong with me.
(it could be the PMS. most probably is.)
its one of those nights where you just feel down in the dumps and everything is not working for you. EVERYTHING. not one single thing is going your way. you'd wish everything to just stop. everything. i just sit here, and i wanna cry. i mean really burst into tears. its times like these you wanna find a friend, and rant away. but HELLO, no one is here. i need someone. someone to hug me, and tell me everything's gonna be ok. but nope. not happening too. so yes. im all on my own. trying to tell myself to cheer up and everythings gonna be ok. but its not. nothing is ok. nothing is gonna be ok. i want to scream it all out. but the neighbours would call the police.
i just booked my air ticket back to singapore in May today. its supposed to make me super duper happy. WHY AM I NOT FEELING IT. every morning i wake up and ask myself, what the f am i doing here. and everytime the answer smacks me right in the face. I CHOSE THIS. and i slap myself everyday for that. im missing all my friends' birthday celebration. im missing all the fun. im missing out on LIFE. THIS is not life. this is nothing close to life. this is just getting through, day by day. like a boring movie that doesnt end. you just want to fast forward and skip all this. and you wont be missing out on anything at all. cos no part of me feels alive enough tonight. im quite sure, im dead on the inside already.
I.OFFICIALY.FEEL.LIKE.SHIT.
CNY & VDAY, AND IM STUCK HERE. FUCKKKKK.
ITS NOT OKAY. DONT TELL ME ITS OKAY. COS RIGHT NOW, LIFE'S BEING A BITCH.
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