hahaa...me n sam just found out about a place in jb tats super cool....decor v nice...n v good to slack....but the name of the place quite lame lah... Chi Chi Cha Cha...hahaa....right below sky's house... *winkx* but its really v cool!!! haha...had some fun dere.....den headed home in sky's car....but without going up to his place to see see look look....haha....its realie v nice to live with a grp of friends....like so....happening..i wanna do that too!!! it'll b so cool....haha..who wans who wans!!! now im home.....gonna get down to doing my stuff for specialist again... specialist is stressing me out!!! damnn!!! hmmmm.... sammie baby is v lonely now cos her perry dear is off to tekong so i shall be her dar dar frm now on...anyone who wanna get near sammie baby better tink twice!!! hahaa!! im your dar dar baby............ *schmuacks!!*

watched The Terminal with cheryl n darius zhu today...hmm..quite a nice show...although at one part of the show i really wasnt v concentrating...cos i was bz msging..haha....but the lighting of the show was superb...v v nice....den went to this cd shop in PS...forget whether it was Music Junction or wat..haha...but i saw tons of cds i wanna buy lehh!! hmm..so broke yet so many things to buy...den wanna keep an amt of money for dressing up on halloween leh.....den specialist dere need another amount of money...sighs....i nid money!! but i have no time to work!!! tell me lah!! how!!!! aiyohx......... jialatx lah...... me hav created a wishlist for myself here...haha..so if anyone wanna sponser me....pls...feel free to let me know..... *grinx*

haha..u all wont believe wat i sang for vocal training today..."yue liang dai biao wo de xin" !! haha...cool hur...but it was quite fun tho....i could try singing an old old song in my own way..not so old lah...heheex....*cross my fingers* hope im improving lehh...

anyways....today got weird weird msges on my fone larh...haha...had to keep guessing who who who send me msges..haha..cos got 3 ppl using 1 phone..sheeshh...hmmm.....got loads of stuff to do tis whole week....bz bz bz...so many things to settle also....hmmmx............i dun wanna look like panda arrrrr......but i am...........i hate looking like a panda....everyone is telling me how tired i look...or how panda-ish my eyes r......haix...i wanna hibernate lahhh!!!!!! -curls up in a corner-

just listened to Toro's wang le ai....so nice....so emo...a song tat would make me cry....*sighs* emo emo emo.....tonite is emo nite....

thought of the nite: how i feel is sometimes determined by others.

a month plus back after i broke up with an idiot...i couldnt feel happier being single....i told all my friends n rejoiced....."i am single!! woohoo!!" i could even list all the good stuff abt being single to my friends..no need to report to anyone..i can do watever i want at clubs and not feel guilty abt it...etc etc...and yet...after another person comes into my life and leaves jus as quickly..everything turns a 360 degrees....being single sux...i dun wanna b single.....i wan to go back to where i was...i hav that feeling tat i hav someone to report to...someone to care about wat i do everyday....jus someone to turn to when i'm feeling down in the dumps....weird hur....somehow....it was all better BEFORE he came into my life....he came..messed it up...and left.....i remember tis line from a song..."mei ren neng ba shui de xing fu mo shou"..no one can confiscate another's happiness....i tink he just did.......

"you de ren shuo bu qing na li hao..dan jiu shi..shui dou ti dai bu liao..." - ZHANG SHAO HAN's Yi Shi De Mei Hao

something laoshi said today totally made me wake up....and i suppose its really time for me to wake up n stop living in my dreamland already...time to look myself in the face n say "its over!! nikky!! wake up!!" we were talking abt some stuff in class today and we suddenly came to the topic of relationships...etc etc...den laoshi said "we shouldnt cling on to our memories...if we keep clinging on to them...its like dragging buckets of water with u....they will just keep dragging u down....try to let go of everything....." hmmm..makes u think isnt it? let go of everything and life would b much easier....i think i should be doing that...and i will....i will wake up tmr n tell myself..its over...its all over and i will move on..........i shall channel all my feelings to my singing....i really feel so darn motivated after watching tat whole show abt how FIR made it to today...i wanna be lyk Faye..i wanna be able to sing my heart out to a crowd of ppl..be it 38 to 380....but first things first...gotta work on my vocals....faye waited 4 years for tat day..i mite hav to wait 4ever.....but i will......*cross my fingers* im needing all the luck i can get.....i wanna fufil my dreams....n den cry on the stage before a crowd of 3800 watching a video of the journey i took to reach there...........*smile* people..wish me luck!! =)

i cut my hair again. i realised whenever im unhappy or depressed i will go cut hair. now i wana pierce my ear again. hmm...now my hair looks much better...shorter n got fringe but the jap jap kind tat sweep one side...hmm...not so outta style...

oh man...933 is playing depressing song!!! xin yu xin yuan.... *sniffs* oh gosh...."zhao bu dao jian qiang de li you"...yes...i cant find a reason to be strong anymore....

stress level reaching its peak!!! argh...

i wanna go KL!!! wanna run away and go KL hav fun for a few days and just dump everything here...but its kinda impossible eh....hmmm i shall try not to think about how great it is there lah hur...*sighs* i sooooooooooooo wanna go ok!!!!!! aidi val limin maisie....i nid u all to bring some stuff to my niunai for me k...........*sniffs* sad................................

i miss u. i love u.

have i really lost the ability to really be happy.

super depressing nite.

i cant seem to hold back my tears.

stupid me.

great..now i gotta type everything..comp hanged while i was halfway thru my LONG post...sheesh...as i was saying before my idiotic comp died on me....i finally learnt wat is really SINGING today...fang fang lao shi taught me the proper way of singing...so now when i try to hit the high notes..my throat doesnt feel so strained...last time..wah super strain my throat sia..until it hurts...so ya...i really really hope that my singing will improve...cos tats the only thing i wanna giv my attention to....i shall shift ALL my attention to my singing...practise n practise n practise!!! i wanna fufil my dreams...cos this is the only fufilable one now.......the other dream...is becoming a too far away....today...no msges....no phonecalls....nothing...he hasnt been coming online these few nites as well..i seriously wonder wats he doing...4 days of shortlived happiness....pls dun let me taste that heavenly happiness for 4 days and then take it away from me....jus like that....i'd rather u not let me know how great it feels....at least it wont hurt tat much....*sighs* im kinda tearing now...radio is playing All-4-One's I Swear....so emo.....its making me all sad....*sighs* is there already another girl? another girl whom he calls sweetie...another girl whom he treats jus as sweetly...another girl whom he chooses extremely sweet popcorn for...another girl whom he sends home...another girl whose hair he brushes from her eyes....another girl whose hand he's holding...another girl who can lie on his shoulders....another girl he hugs tightly on the bus...another girl he msges constantly...another girl that he thinks abt every nite before he goes to slp...another girl that he enjoys talking to every sec of the nite from 12am to 4am plus...another girl he gives his promises to.....*sigh* i want to be that girl...again...... *wipes tear*

oh great...suddenly everything i typed is gone with the wind...i shall retype. i am overspending ppl!! someone stop me!! i am overloading on skirts lor!!! today i bought ANOTHER skirt...so all in all i have 6 skirts..the same amt of bikinis that sam has..haha....so sorry angie!! i saw it first!! haha...p/s angie loves me skirt! haha...anyway after that i bought another top at city sq with sam...haix...no money no time to work..super sian.....hmmm...im powerful u know..haha....i can predict when he is going home...seriously....went sim bus stop with angie to make our way to bugis..me looked at my watch..it was 10 mins past 1...i turned to angie...told her tat i would most prob c him in the bus..he ends at 1pm...den he would go home n slp......haha....184 comes along..me board bus...and who do i see at the far end? HIM. haha...im indeed powerful....hmmm...no conversation again today...i think we have come down to this hurh....we dont even talk anymore....wat can i say...i miss u...the "u" from the past....the "u" before all this shit start to happen....the "u" i wanna keep in my heart always..... someone pass me a time machine godamnit.

sentosa kinda sucked? haha...i duno..it was fun while the sun was out...den it POURED...yours trully was freezing like hell...it didnt help tat i was swimming when it started to pour..so now ive kinda caught a cold....*sighs* oh well.....it was nice to jus watch him from a distance..haha...we didnt speak a single word to each other the whole day...it was jus smiles n waves....tats all.....its scary how we have come to only smiles n waves....from wat we were.....its jus so......sighs sighs sighs........... i dun wan it to go on like tat...can we pls go back to the past..................................

went out LATE today..haha...left my house at 10.30pm..seriously...tat is damn rare k....haha...damn sad hur...anyway....drank a few glasses of jack daniels + coke with sensei...hmmm...went red in a while..haha....but wasnt drunk larh....hmmm..havent seen sensei in a while..must admit...he looks a little worn...haha...like OLDER? heex....well....*counts* ive known sensei for 8 years....tats darn long.....hmmm.....he's most probably gonna be the one person who will never be gone frm my life...we c each other once in a v long time..but we r still so close...*smiles* hmmmm.....someone is out late n isnt home yet....wondering who he's with.....im always so paranoid when i duno who he's with lah....like WHICH GIRL is next to him now..WHAT r they doing now...i hate to hav to think so much.....but i jus WILL.......... *sighs* hopes my recording tmr goes well.....another horrible recording i think i'll b axed frm the list of students in laoshi's class.....*cross my fingers* hopes n prays..

farnie...i log in the blogger n clicked on create new post..but i came to this page...and then i went -blank-... i duno why but i really hav nothing to blog abt....my life is kinda screwed larh......duno y..its like i wake up every morning n i look forward to NOTHING...i jus dun wanna go sch anymore..cos it seems meaningless...i jus wanna stay at home n rot.....serious lor.......damn saddening lahhh.......ayes.....i hate my life......at this v point of time i really hate my life...................

urgh!!! i cant belive it!!! i spent the whole bloody nite doing my critique paper for stupid IS den i sent it to my email to print in out in sch...it wasnt sent!!! bloody hell!! wat is wrong with my email damn it!!!! i am bloody sure i sent it ok!!! wahlau now its late again!!! another day late!!! damn it larhh!!! angry angry angry!!! and some idiot went home to slp lor....din even stay in sch to meet me!! blerhz!!!! angry arrrr!!!! grrrrrr!!!!!!

kayz on a lighter note...HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGIE!!! MAY U GROW FATTER N FATTER FROM TODAY ONWARDS!! *sings* "zhu ni sheng ri kuai le...zhu ni sheng ri kuai le...zhu ni sheng ri kuai leeeee.....zhu ni sheng ri kuaaaaaaaaaai leeeeeeeee!!"

i have decided to go queensway to get my pretty shoes!! heex....went to far east to check it out ytd marh...wah lau...damn ex can!! saw this pink one with brown zebra prints..quite chio lah...but the price lagi chio... $199!! so i shall go bac to queensway...heex!! hmmmmm....time for some shopping!!! but den i spent $150 on my Zhou Jie Lun concert tic liaox...*turns out empty pocket* but den....tats something i GOTTA spend larh....heex...cannot save one...cos its ZHOU JIE LUN lah...heex....

now me in proplan lab with nothing better to do so gonna blog myself crazy...heex....cos some ppl lazy den go home slp marhh!! hmmm....i dunos...but i am really damn sick of having to guess n guess n guess!! grrx....wo cai wo cai wo cai cai cai!! haha...one of his fav shows lah..cos of yang chen ling....bleahx...but i admit defeat k...she really v cute n pretty marhx...

k as u all can c i am starting to blog nonsense....cos i really too bored lah.....gotta drag time until 5pm den go for esther's studio rehearsal.....lalalala......den can start to disturb abang! hahaha.....amin lahhhhhhhhh..............lalalalalala......

lahhhhhhx.....hmmmm...intro a nice soundtrack to u ppl out dere? Dou Yu soundtrack...super nice...ok not super duper nice but its nice......Bu Gong Ping by Jenny Yang...a girl with a super voice...but unknown to the entertatinment world....hmmm...she should really try to cut an album...i support!! Till The End and Breathe Again...2 eng songs in the album which really touched me lah.....duno sang by who who who..but v v v v nice..............cant wait for Dou Yu 2!!! heex......me shall try to put up the lyrics of those songs when i can find it lah k..hehex.....

enuff of nonsense in my entry lah.. haha... *sticks out tongue*

wat a boring day......duhhhh.........*yawnz* but i finished watching my dou yu!! got me so emotional...the show has a damn sad ending larh.....but it wasnt the ending tat made me cry...but still....i was practically using a tissue to dry my tears....soooooo sad......but its a darn good ou xiang ju lah!! cant wait for dou yu 2...haha...got my xiaozhu somemore!! wheeee!! haha....i need to go ktv n buck up my singing!!! *sighs* hmmmm....can someone teach me how to read a person's mind?

i nv knew burger king could b so happy for me...haha...oh manx...MAYBE things r turning for the better? hmm..duno...NIKKY STOP BEING TOO OPTIMISTIC!!! haha...i love niunai..wahaha....he v 38 lah!!! ppl..wish me luck for tmr's recording session??? i v v v worried...i hope i dun sound like shit!!!! so diu lian lah!!! haix.....i v worried for my singing...i hope it gets better noee......its the onli thing i would ever b proud of...haha...hmm....hate some ppl...jus so bastard....like poke yr nose in others business for wat!! me n my fren is v good thanks ALOT!! dun need to u create some problems to test our friendship..super bastard can!!! n i am not afraid of saying his name!! its BENJAMIN QUEK!!! farker....i tell u...making his life miserable is being too nice to him..i should jus end it for him...sickening ppl hav nothing better to do but to create problems for others...someone jus end his life for him lah...hmm..yaya..on a lighter note...i got my pay yesterday...$250...yay!! but so many stuff to buy AGAIN!!! like a few tops...beach shorts...n my long awaited ROXY WALLET!! hmmm..and i've seriously been influened by tat lebon tootie lah!! tat sch girl dunk is sooooo nice!!! but its $114...tats like more den 1/2 my pay...should i??? hmmm...tinking tinking tinking.............

i miss his hugs...i miss the way tat he brushed my fringe away from my eyes...the way he sayang my head...i miss the way i can tell the whole world he's mine and mine only...haix...i jus miss him being right next to me....*sighs* i jus cant stop thinking ok..so dont ask me to...i jus wanna miss him...altho its gonna b v idiotic of me to jus keep thinking n making myself feel miserable but i jus WANT TO...so emo hur...oh well.....i havent been really happy for the past week already.....havent really laughed like the way i used to...except when i receive his calls or msges which would b rather rare....hmmm....how long more will i continue being like that.................. i duno.

hmm...wasn't as bad as i imagined it..haha...seems tat i was still of some importance to him after all? hmms..i duno...its getting so confusing....oh yar oh yar!! i wanna thank my siewie baby for helping me with this new blogskin...pretty or waaat!! *grinz* i really like the words on the top right hand corner of the pic...really says wat i feel...but cant be more "feel" den alicia keys' song...if i ain't got you...heard it tis morning at sam's aunt's place when we were getting ready to go home...soooooo darn nice...wanted to get the html code n put it on my blog but i cant find one tat seems to work.....hmmm.....wadever...waiting for sammie baby to come my house n rendezvous...haha!! nah...last nite was enough....today mus do serious stuff....computer animation duhhh....blerh i hate IS...hmmmm..gotta get ready a song for next sat's recording...i better do well lor...laoshi say my voice is suited for chen qi zhen's songs...hmmm...cool....i never knew..hahaha.... i've got alicia keys song stuck in my head now...oh and i've tot of a great present for him! haha...not gonna tell u all wat it is...*sticks out tongue* a bit too early but...who cares!! lalala......

If I Ain't Got You Alicia Keys

Some people live for the fortune

Some people live just for the fame

Some people live for the power yeah

Some people live just to play the game

Some people think that the physical things

Define what's within

And I've been there before

But that life's a bore

So full of the superficial

Some people want it all

But I don't want nothing at all

If it ain't you baby

If I ain't got you baby

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

If I ain't got you

Some people search for a fountain

The promises forever young

Some people need three dozen roses

And that's the only way to prove you love them

Hand me a world on a silver platter

And what good would it be?

With no one to share, with no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all

But I don't want nothing at all

If it ain't you baby

If I ain't got you baby

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

If I ain't got you, you, you

Some people want it all

But I don't want nothing at all

If it ain't you baby

If I ain't got you baby

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you with me baby

Nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing

If I ain't got you with me baby

went for my haircut!! niceee!! haha.. at least i think so....jus tat i need to re-dye everything cos now my highlites hav become patches of duno wat sai..haha...den went to walk arnd plaza pelangi.. wa sai!!! so many shit to buy!! hopes my pay come faster!! i saw like a gazillion tops i wanna buy...slippers...shorts..skirt....earrings...yada yada yada.. .the list goes on....just watched singapore idol...realised tat looks isnt at all important....voice is really wat touches ppl in the end...eg. Nathaniel Ho...he's a good looking guy no doubt...blows ppl away with his smile..but his singing................hmmm....cant really make it lah....not that im good so i can say stuff lidat larh..but...i noe how it feels to hav someone tell u ur singing sux....but he's cute lah.... hnmmms... candice foo sung this song which touched me BIG TIME...i really felt so much for tat song...nearly brought tears to my eyes...but i tahan!! cos mum was dere.... = *sighs*

hmm...feeling better already...thanks to my dear girls...thanks for being dere for me these 2 days....and zhu also....haha.....and no...dun go take baseball bat frm tv studio....haha....hmm...kinda glad he didnt IGNORE me though....i've decided to leave him to do some thinking of his own...and setlle what he has to settle and see how things work out....no point me rushing stuff n crying my eyes out..den things jus simply dun work out rite...im kinda in a dilemma now...he asked me to go down on sat...but he didnt say he WANTS me to go...if he did i would jus say yes..but he didnt...den i couldnt take it so i asked him "do u wan me to go.." n he jus said he doesnt force ppl do stuff against their own will...sheesh...wat kinda stupid answer is that!! argh!! cant u jus say it!! jus say yes and i'll go!!! *sighs* anyway... gonna go cut my hair tmr!! wan a new style..long n straight is booooring....nid to change....mm...... *if only i could turn back time...*