sudden bout of depression on saturday.
well apparently zouk was super happening and super fun lah. and i missed it. DUN ASK PLSS.
depressed since the very second i opened my eyes in the morning. went for efp multicams shoot at west coast. after a while of trying very hard to laugh i realised i couldnt. walked off on my own and realised my life has been so meaningless. recently im doing the same stuff over n over again and it feels like crap. i totally ditched the idea of zouk that nite due to the tiredness of calling up pple to confirm if they're going and NO ONE wants to give me a confirmation. went to thompson to eat prata with sam n esther, went to her house to slack abit, and then head home. THATS when everything decided to sink in. sat in the bus, and felt this super horrible sudden urge to cry. eyes started to tear but i held them back cos i was sitting in the bus facing a whole row of pple. tahan until my stop, got off, and i jus broke down. YES, BROKE DOWN. guess all those supressed upsetness kinda overflowed. called up darren and luckily he came down to accompany me. (brought a tissue box with him) haha. so we sat at this playground near my block till 1am plus. cried like mad, said alot of rubbish, felt like crap, and ya, basically it was a horrible nite. sounds stupid rite? yes. bah.
me n darren came to this topic:
i am always smiling n laughing. but am i like that cos i am really happy? or am i like that cos that's what Nikky is supposed to do.
answer: i duno.
maybe i've been putting on that front for too long that it has become part of me. *shrugs*
im kinda stuck in this phase of life for too long. i need new excitement in my life. i need a refreshing change. sick and tired of doing the same thing everyday. guess university and getting a job would bring in all that.
conclusion: i need to get a job and get into uni.
or i go overseas.
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