i finally got my answer...my answer to all my questions...
it's just a senseless and stupid infatuation on my side...why did i even think so much in the first place...i said i wouldnt let it happen to me again...i wouldn't let my heart be shattered again...yet i kept giving myself such senseless hope...
he just treats me as a normal friend..nothing more...i guess i have to drill this into my head...
and i have to stop falling for the wrong guys....
now..dilemma and phuture and the bridge is gonna have another memory to make my heart ache...to make me cry...why does it have the be the same song..the same club...the same place...
yesterday marine finally told me the truth...whole day i tan te bu an...keep thinking abt stupid nonsensical stuff...den she finally told me the truth... "he jus treats u as a friend" ...great.....you hug me thruout the nite...u interlock yr fingers with mine...and u do really sweet stuff for me...and then...u treat me as a friend?!
should i say thank u that at least u let me have one happy memory of xmas??
why did u even give me that hope and then take it away from me...
marine and i sat at the suntec fountain..and listened to sad songs..and cried my heart out...
finally i understand why siew and reen like to go dere so much.......but den again....u go dere and see all the happy couples...duno abt the 2 of u..but i feel worse...listened to songs like chu ci zhi wai...xing yang ai qing...dong jie...all the sad sad songs...i cried like hell...seriously....cried REALLY badly...i duno why i can cry so badly over a guy i know for less dan a week...i told myself not to fall in love with him..and i thought i didnt...until last night....i realised that i fell in love with him without even realising it...
phuture...dilemma..the bridge...they hold too many painful memories for me...
why did i even let my heart wander this far.....
i thought i have learnt to control myself after what happened the last time...but noooo....i'm still that stupid lil girl who falls for all the wrong guys....then allow myself to be hurt again n again....
to you...i may be just ANOTHER GIRL...those nice stuff u did for me...maybe its just a fren fren thing...but to me...it meant the world..cos for once...i felt loved...
alex...do u even know how much it hurts?!
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