31 July 2008
if i dont get a job cos im not gd enough, i get it.
if i dont get a job cos im not capable enough, i get it.
if i dont get a job cos im not qualified enough, i get it.
but wheres the logic when im rejected again and again for a very simple illogical reason - im in a different division of the bank. and im in this division, NOT BY CHOICE. i was thrown here, kicked here, dumped here. and for what? nothing. i get nothing, i do nothing, i AM nothing.
if i was not thrown kicked, and dumped in this shithole, i wouldnt be in this mess. i would have gotten the job i wanted, where i belonged.
i dont belong here. i dont deserve to be treated this way. how many things was i promised by the management? lots. none of each were kept. after a year plus, im STILL stuck in this shithole. again, not by choice. when i interviewed a year plus back, this wasnt what i signed up for. i didnt interview for this. and when i signed the letter of offer, this wasnt the job i accepted. my job has morphed into one of a brainless button presser. definitely not what i signed up for.
umpteen times i told myself to sit through this. one day, the pple upstairs will realise that i should be up there with them doing what im supposed to do. yes, they finally realised. but what are they gonna do abt it? nothing much. cos the transfer is more complicated than they thought. well, it wasnt complicated to throw me over, but its complicated to bring me back. again, wheres the logic?
somewhere back up this road, i rejected another job offer cos someone gave me hope of something better upstairs. how stupid u must think. yeah. i weighed my options and thought that im better off in a familiar environment. i never expected to be given up on, just becos of complicated procedures. by the time i found out, it was too late. my other offer doesnt stand anymore. nice. kicked myself right in the butt.
today for the second time in the whole 1 year plus in the bank, i cried. i felt a tremendous wave of unfairness wash over me. the best words to describe my feelings are - 委屈. i was sitting at 'my desk' and thinking why are my applications all falling into rejections? am i not good enough? am i that useless? am i not qualified? then i realised, it wasnt me. it was the situation ive been thrown into. a situation i obviously didnt sign up for. everyone upstairs is rooting for me. ive been referred so many times i cant remember. yet when it comes to the most important part, the 'closing of the deal', they just cant go through with it. i always wonder if they really tried? or they just decided to skip all the complicated procedures and take the easy way out. again and again im thrown into hope, and again and again i fall out of hope. this has been ongoing since last year november. one day im just gonna go numb.
now i want to run away. run away to wherever i can. to somewhere i wont be given false hopes after false hopes. im done with hoping. done with colleagues. done with bosses. done with fake smiles and backstabbers. done with feeling i belong somewhere and realised im actually supposed to belong elsewhere. done with other pple going for incentive trips and retreats, and im stuck where i am, stirring my own mudhole.
i promise myself this. no more am i gonna give up on another offer for this place that holds no progession for me. this unfeeling ice palace that obviously isnt very sincere. the place and the people. its about time i learnt that no one is gonna give me the empathy i need. no one will say "oh, she really deserves to do more. i'll do what i can to help." since my hope has been washed down the drain this time, im not gonna dig it back up and polish it to make it look brand new.
the next job offer that comes my way, i take it. no matter what.
and when that day comes, i know i'm only gonna miss the few of them.
28 July 2008
dar came to pick me up from work as usual. i was already starving from the absence of breakfast in my tummy. cravings for thai food led us to killiney's Suanthai.
after stuffing ourselves with yummy food, we headed off for our appointment at comfort space helioasia @ paragon. i didnt have a good feeling abt a massage right after a meal of sweet sour and spicy, but i didnt have a choice. so we dived right into the spa place.
and voila!~ i hit the bullseye. it felt terrible to be massaged with a full stomach. when the masseuse pressed me on my ab area, i nearly turned merlion. i had to hold it all in. but when she did my legs i went to heaven and fell asleep. felt good after weeks and weeks of heels. the massage wasnt as good as the ones we had in koh samui and aramsa spa. in fact, not very worth our money. but wth, never try, never know.
went for a movie afterwards - Prom Night. not fantastic, and nothing to scream about. pun intended. killed 2 hours though. then headed to vivocity for a while. had dinner before heading home for the day.
oh if u all noticed from the pics, ive got purple hair!!!! but now it kinda faded slightly already. leaning more towards reddish. but when i took the pics my hair was awesomely PURPLE. i wish it stayed that way. SIGH.
went to eat at Sushi Village @ The Cathay today. no pics. but it was quite nice! 99cents per plate of sushi, and a very special way at ordering. shall bring dar there again one of these days.
26 July 2008
i want one of these. why is it that japan can come up with such pretty phones in 24 colours, and singapore just keeps giving us black, silver etc. boring colours pls. ok we're getting better. im seeing pink and red here and there. but still! tsks.
im still hating the fact that i have to turn in early on a friday night, and crawl myself out of bed early on a saturday morning. every sat morning, i curse and swear at the fact that im going to work to do absolutely NOTHING. fucking waste of my time. i really hope things will start going my way at work, for once. yes im ranting abt the job again.
caught the concluding episode of 一切完美 last night. disappointed that there werent any followups abt 'sky' and 'xiaoli's relationship. and also disappointed that there werent alot of surgery scenes. mostly just 带过 only. and michelle chia needs to do smthing to tame that mane of hers. it looks BAD. saw trailers for a new drama coming up - 沸腾冰点. it looks promising. fann wong goes hysterical and lunatic, jeanette aw is the mean younger sister with a bad attitude, and ANDIE! haha. his first official drama and he's acting as the brother of 2 very seasoned actresses aka 阿姐s. so difficult to see him as a serious actor, cos from day 1 i knew him, he was a goofy crappy joker in school. haha.
im blabbering away again to keep myself awake and sane. gosh.
25 July 2008
so now my hair is BURGUNDY!! like reddish purple. wine red under yellow light, dark purple under white light. i love it! alan never fails to disappoint. ok there was a tiny disappointment though, the haircut wasnt too perfect. due to my hair being outrageously stubborn (like my character, i presume) its flipping in all the wrong ways. my left side is so tame and pretty, and the right is just haywire. i resorted to lots of hairdryer work and bobbypins. urgh. so annoying. stupid stubborn hair.
sadly, i havent had the chance to take pics and upload yet.
spa and massage session tomrrow. YAY!
22 July 2008
21 July 2008
i feel the urge to go shoe-shopping again. ohgosh. im know darn well i shouldnt but its so hard to curb the urge when it comes! esp when my colleagues went on a shoe rampage over the weekend and came work with new shoes. *whines* i need new shoes!!!!
i need to find a day to clear out my wardrobe of all the unwearables. my wardobe is definitely overflowing. i have to practically dig to find my stuff. and then i end up wearing the same stuff over and over again. gahhh.
hair needs trimming. nails need manicuring. but im really so lazy to go cos its all done at far east plaza, which is far to walk from workplace, and stupid if i tried to take a bus or mrt. crap.
this post is obviously so random.
st james on sat with the girls. pictures with sam. will upload when i get them. *knudges sam*
msn is acting weird. they r filtering out stuff that can or canot be sent between contacts. weird hur. hmm.
i am so lazy to blog lately. its not that i dont have anything to blog abt, i do. but they r not exactly publishable, for reasons i cant even explain. so its all stored in this thing called memories.
bedtime! i realise this is a very poor attempt at blogging when i obviously cant.
19 July 2008
14 July 2008
we found this really cute eatery at far east over the weekend. actually i've actually walked past this place quite a few times already, but i never realised how cute it was until i peeked in.
12 July 2008
so anyway i came across this LG phone in vivo sometime ago, and it kinda captured my attention for a while. RED! i likeeeeee. plus the back of the phone is two-tone colour graduation red. so pretty!!!!


the LG KF510 is quite alluring and classy.
however, ive always had this problem with touch screen phones, i cant really navigate properly. my nails get in the way. and im apprehensive about trying LG phones. i still trust Sony Ericsson more, and im already very accustomed to the SE interface.
but, SE is really not coming up with any chio designs. LG wins in design by a mile.
should i give LG a chance?
10 July 2008
Corinne Bailey Rae
Like A Star
Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Honour to love you
Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,
You've got this look I can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is au fait,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh...
Your love,
Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,
Now I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,
I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,
Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands
♥ so much said in a simple song
09 July 2008
(and then more than 3/4 of us went into banking. tsks.)
finally after a million gazillion years, we finally did our short but sweet catch up session! and all of them reached after 7pm when i got to PS before 6pm. thank god for nintendo, dslite and mario. long time no eat fish soup at PS food court, cheap and yummy! after dinner was icey fruity dessert!
another great session of aunt agony, suaning and laughter! we MUST do this again! :)
pursestrings getting tight lately, i need to stop online shopping and charlesnkeiths-ing. dar has been nagging at me about overspending. *pouts*
plans to go east coast cycling this weekend. finally some words being put to action. i officially need to stay AWAY from orchard. mon to fri is work in orchard, lunch in orchard, shop (during lunch) in orchard. weekends still wanna orchard somemore i will die.
went to see our "MADE-IN-ITALY"s that we ordered couple of months back and we love it! well i saw another newer design thats awfully gorgeous but pricey. so i will console myself that we cant afford it. we cant we cant we cant. at least dar loves the ones we got. ok i love it too.
MY LITTLE TREAT has been up and running. all u online shopaholics pls go take a look k!
meeting the fsv girls later at ps. im gonna be early again. but im not gonna go ps first cos i KNOW i will trot over to charlesnkeith and spend somemore. imma be a good girl and sit in the office till one of them is near ps.
07 July 2008
by the time we settled in it was already night. we roamed the nearby 7-11, got ourselves a rented dvd and some snacks and decided to turn in for the night.
***
the next morning!
Bee Tele and Yuth becomes...
i had it for 3 consecutive days!!
after getting our tummies filled with delectable thai food, we head to Chaweng Beach!
but after a while's strolling on the beach, we felt like we needed a good pamper. SPA!!!!!!!!! we looked around and decided to get pampered at Le Paradis.
(inclusive of a spa bath, full body aromatheraphy massage, foot scrub and massage, and honey scrub facial and mask)
Afterwards, we walked down the streets of Chaweng.
i walked into a Rip Curl store to find myself a surprise!
after walking around till i feet ached, we still didnt buy much. i just bought a dress. i conclude samui isnt good for shopping at all.
after dinner, we checked out the day tours at the resort lobby, and signed up for a snorkeling day tour. then we turned in early for the night, as the day tour started early at 7am.
***
my first attempt at snorkeling, and i loved it! i wish i could go deeper into the water but me is not licensed diver. met a super cute dive photographer on the trip. i was gushing abt him the whole trip, much to dar's dismay and frowns. but it was JUST gushing, thats all.
it was evening when we got back from our day tour. we decided to watch the sunset, and laze by the poolside. i was initially swimming, until a pair of 'lovebirds' got me running out of the pool. this lewd caucasian guy was hugging, kissing, fondling, smooching this thai lady (imo, is fugly) and she was giggling around whilst teaching him thai words. major EEW!
after dinner, we rented another dvd, stocked up snacks at 7-11 and spent our last night at the villa. sighs. i cant bear to say goodbye...
***
the dreaded morning...
i thank the punnpreeda staff for their immaculate service and hospitality. they have been nothing but welcoming and warm, and it has been a delightful stay with them.
***
the end of my koh samui holiday. krabi next? :)