31 July 2008

everyday i ask myself, WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE?!

if i dont get a job cos im not gd enough, i get it.
if i dont get a job cos im not capable enough, i get it.
if i dont get a job cos im not qualified enough, i get it.

but wheres the logic when im rejected again and again for a very simple illogical reason - im in a different division of the bank. and im in this division, NOT BY CHOICE. i was thrown here, kicked here, dumped here. and for what? nothing. i get nothing, i do nothing, i AM nothing.

if i was not thrown kicked, and dumped in this shithole, i wouldnt be in this mess. i would have gotten the job i wanted, where i belonged.

i dont belong here. i dont deserve to be treated this way. how many things was i promised by the management? lots. none of each were kept. after a year plus, im STILL stuck in this shithole. again, not by choice. when i interviewed a year plus back, this wasnt what i signed up for. i didnt interview for this. and when i signed the letter of offer, this wasnt the job i accepted. my job has morphed into one of a brainless button presser. definitely not what i signed up for.

umpteen times i told myself to sit through this. one day, the pple upstairs will realise that i should be up there with them doing what im supposed to do. yes, they finally realised. but what are they gonna do abt it? nothing much. cos the transfer is more complicated than they thought. well, it wasnt complicated to throw me over, but its complicated to bring me back. again, wheres the logic?

somewhere back up this road, i rejected another job offer cos someone gave me hope of something better upstairs. how stupid u must think. yeah. i weighed my options and thought that im better off in a familiar environment. i never expected to be given up on, just becos of complicated procedures. by the time i found out, it was too late. my other offer doesnt stand anymore. nice. kicked myself right in the butt.

today for the second time in the whole 1 year plus in the bank, i cried. i felt a tremendous wave of unfairness wash over me. the best words to describe my feelings are - 委屈. i was sitting at 'my desk' and thinking why are my applications all falling into rejections? am i not good enough? am i that useless? am i not qualified? then i realised, it wasnt me. it was the situation ive been thrown into. a situation i obviously didnt sign up for. everyone upstairs is rooting for me. ive been referred so many times i cant remember. yet when it comes to the most important part, the 'closing of the deal', they just cant go through with it. i always wonder if they really tried? or they just decided to skip all the complicated procedures and take the easy way out. again and again im thrown into hope, and again and again i fall out of hope. this has been ongoing since last year november. one day im just gonna go numb.

now i want to run away. run away to wherever i can. to somewhere i wont be given false hopes after false hopes. im done with hoping. done with colleagues. done with bosses. done with fake smiles and backstabbers. done with feeling i belong somewhere and realised im actually supposed to belong elsewhere. done with other pple going for incentive trips and retreats, and im stuck where i am, stirring my own mudhole.

i promise myself this. no more am i gonna give up on another offer for this place that holds no progession for me. this unfeeling ice palace that obviously isnt very sincere. the place and the people. its about time i learnt that no one is gonna give me the empathy i need. no one will say "oh, she really deserves to do more. i'll do what i can to help." since my hope has been washed down the drain this time, im not gonna dig it back up and polish it to make it look brand new.

the next job offer that comes my way, i take it. no matter what.

and when that day comes, i know i'm only gonna miss the few of them.

28 July 2008

one of our weekends

dar came to pick me up from work as usual. i was already starving from the absence of breakfast in my tummy. cravings for thai food led us to killiney's Suanthai.

a la carte buffet at $15.90 per pax. a pretty gd deal.
a hungry me.

after stuffing ourselves with yummy food, we headed off for our appointment at comfort space helioasia @ paragon. i didnt have a good feeling abt a massage right after a meal of sweet sour and spicy, but i didnt have a choice. so we dived right into the spa place.

dar checking us in for 45 mins of "bliss"
"should i be happy?"
actually i was happy about a massage, who wouldnt be! but the food in my tummy didnt agree.
me, dar and our tummies full of sweet sour and spicy.

and voila!~ i hit the bullseye. it felt terrible to be massaged with a full stomach. when the masseuse pressed me on my ab area, i nearly turned merlion. i had to hold it all in. but when she did my legs i went to heaven and fell asleep. felt good after weeks and weeks of heels. the massage wasnt as good as the ones we had in koh samui and aramsa spa. in fact, not very worth our money. but wth, never try, never know.

went for a movie afterwards - Prom Night. not fantastic, and nothing to scream about. pun intended. killed 2 hours though. then headed to vivocity for a while. had dinner before heading home for the day.

long awaited dinner at Kim Gary. i heard so much abt the place and the queue was always crazily long. but when we were there, the queue died down, so we gave the place a shot.
cute! cutlery in tupperware.
my order - honey spareribs in mushroom rice and lemon honey to wash it all down.
our side - fries in minced beef sauce. this was quite good.
dar's order took quite a while. black pepper pork rice, which looked pretty yummy to me. before i could take a decent picture, he wolfed it down. but he wasnt too satisfied with the food.
my boy and a balloon doggie.
being silly.

oh if u all noticed from the pics, ive got purple hair!!!! but now it kinda faded slightly already. leaning more towards reddish. but when i took the pics my hair was awesomely PURPLE. i wish it stayed that way. SIGH.

went to eat at Sushi Village @ The Cathay today. no pics. but it was quite nice! 99cents per plate of sushi, and a very special way at ordering. shall bring dar there again one of these days.

26 July 2008

ive been exposed to the taiwan tourism tvc over and over again at work. and guess what? im not sick of it yet! haha. can tell how much i love taiwan already? and the tvc is quite well done, i must say. "welcome 2 taiwan!" yes, welcome me again at the end of the year pls.


i want one of these. why is it that japan can come up with such pretty phones in 24 colours, and singapore just keeps giving us black, silver etc. boring colours pls. ok we're getting better. im seeing pink and red here and there. but still! tsks.

im still hating the fact that i have to turn in early on a friday night, and crawl myself out of bed early on a saturday morning. every sat morning, i curse and swear at the fact that im going to work to do absolutely NOTHING. fucking waste of my time. i really hope things will start going my way at work, for once. yes im ranting abt the job again.

caught the concluding episode of 一切完美 last night. disappointed that there werent any followups abt 'sky' and 'xiaoli's relationship. and also disappointed that there werent alot of surgery scenes. mostly just 带过 only. and michelle chia needs to do smthing to tame that mane of hers. it looks BAD. saw trailers for a new drama coming up - 沸腾冰点. it looks promising. fann wong goes hysterical and lunatic, jeanette aw is the mean younger sister with a bad attitude, and ANDIE! haha. his first official drama and he's acting as the brother of 2 very seasoned actresses aka 阿姐s. so difficult to see him as a serious actor, cos from day 1 i knew him, he was a goofy crappy joker in school. haha.

im blabbering away again to keep myself awake and sane. gosh.

25 July 2008

finally went for my long overdue hair trim. and after a bit of persuasion from alan (my stylist) i decided to colour my hair as well. the black roots were too obvious to ignore.

so now my hair is BURGUNDY!! like reddish purple. wine red under yellow light, dark purple under white light. i love it! alan never fails to disappoint. ok there was a tiny disappointment though, the haircut wasnt too perfect. due to my hair being outrageously stubborn (like my character, i presume) its flipping in all the wrong ways. my left side is so tame and pretty, and the right is just haywire. i resorted to lots of hairdryer work and bobbypins. urgh. so annoying. stupid stubborn hair.

sadly, i havent had the chance to take pics and upload yet.

spa and massage session tomrrow. YAY!

22 July 2008

天灵灵,地灵灵...
天啊... 现在的我是超搞不清楚状况的...
这到底是什么!
真的是喊救命都没人回应, 好不好...

这也太复杂了吧...
心里七上八下的...
小蝴蝶在肚子里飞啊飞...
别再飞了啦!

小姐...这把火,你玩得起吗?
真是的... (>.<)

21 July 2008

im starting to soooooooooo regret not going to see 林宥嘉 over the weekend. *pouts*

i feel the urge to go shoe-shopping again. ohgosh. im know darn well i shouldnt but its so hard to curb the urge when it comes! esp when my colleagues went on a shoe rampage over the weekend and came work with new shoes. *whines* i need new shoes!!!!



i need to find a day to clear out my wardrobe of all the unwearables. my wardobe is definitely overflowing. i have to practically dig to find my stuff. and then i end up wearing the same stuff over and over again. gahhh.

hair needs trimming. nails need manicuring. but im really so lazy to go cos its all done at far east plaza, which is far to walk from workplace, and stupid if i tried to take a bus or mrt. crap.

this post is obviously so random.
i shld be asleep right now, but im not. sigh. trying to get some stuff done.

st james on sat with the girls. pictures with sam. will upload when i get them. *knudges sam*

msn is acting weird. they r filtering out stuff that can or canot be sent between contacts. weird hur. hmm.

i am so lazy to blog lately. its not that i dont have anything to blog abt, i do. but they r not exactly publishable, for reasons i cant even explain. so its all stored in this thing called memories.

bedtime! i realise this is a very poor attempt at blogging when i obviously cant.

19 July 2008

SCREW DOTA!!!
SCREW DOTA!!!
SCREW DOTA!!!
SCREW DOTA!!!
SCREW DOTA!!!

just so you know, sorry doesnt always cure.

14 July 2008

MOGU MOGU @ Far East Plaza

we found this really cute eatery at far east over the weekend. actually i've actually walked past this place quite a few times already, but i never realised how cute it was until i peeked in.

very kawaii signage.
a peek in and this is what i see! no order counters, just two dispenser machines and two girls in v cute uniforms. they even have red sling bags to keep money change for customers to use the machines. so interesting...
this is how we order. touch screen to pick what we want, and pay by slotting notes and coins into the right side of the machine. out comes a receipt and you wait for your number to be called. the concept is so japanese!!!
interior of mogu mogu.
our curry katsu don, teriyaki chicken don, chawanmushi and drinks.
stupid dar. hee!
i wanna watch WALL.E!!!!

12 July 2008

i want a new hp but i am totally clueless as to which one to get. im kinda pissed with singtel's limited variety of phones. i want my nokia luna and singtel doesnt have it anymore. yet, they still have those flintstone era phones that look like crap. explain pls.

so anyway i came across this LG phone in vivo sometime ago, and it kinda captured my attention for a while. RED! i likeeeeee. plus the back of the phone is two-tone colour graduation red. so pretty!!!!

also comes with interactive touch lighting. not much use for that but it makes the phone look very futuristic, in a way.

the LG KF510 is quite alluring and classy.

however, ive always had this problem with touch screen phones, i cant really navigate properly. my nails get in the way. and im apprehensive about trying LG phones. i still trust Sony Ericsson more, and im already very accustomed to the SE interface.

but, SE is really not coming up with any chio designs. LG wins in design by a mile.


should i give LG a chance?

10 July 2008



Corinne Bailey Rae
Like A Star


Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Honour to love you

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

You've got this look I can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is au fait,
Without a doubt you're on my side,
Heaven has been away too long,
Can't find the words to write this song,
Oh...
Your love,

Still I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Now I have come to understand,
The way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
From tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
Now I understand,

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
With anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
For anyone but you
We do it all the time,
Blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I'll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands


♥ so much said in a simple song

09 July 2008

THE FSV GIRLS
(and then more than 3/4 of us went into banking. tsks.)


carol,sam,nik,angie

finally after a million gazillion years, we finally did our short but sweet catch up session! and all of them reached after 7pm when i got to PS before 6pm. thank god for nintendo, dslite and mario. long time no eat fish soup at PS food court, cheap and yummy! after dinner was icey fruity dessert!

picking out whats good and whats not.
smile!
black&white.
Ice Monster.
mr chef at the back kept creating smelly oily smoke.
mango, kiwi and strawberry ice!
now you see it...
...now you dont!
on the way back in the train, trying to be funny while 'auntie' sam grabs a seat.

another great session of aunt agony, suaning and laughter! we MUST do this again! :)
havent been blogging diligently lately. nothing much happening in my life besides koh samui, which is already history. gahhh!

pursestrings getting tight lately, i need to stop online shopping and charlesnkeiths-ing. dar has been nagging at me about overspending. *pouts*

plans to go east coast cycling this weekend. finally some words being put to action. i officially need to stay AWAY from orchard. mon to fri is work in orchard, lunch in orchard, shop (during lunch) in orchard. weekends still wanna orchard somemore i will die.

went to see our "MADE-IN-ITALY"s that we ordered couple of months back and we love it! well i saw another newer design thats awfully gorgeous but pricey. so i will console myself that we cant afford it. we cant we cant we cant. at least dar loves the ones we got. ok i love it too.

MY LITTLE TREAT has been up and running. all u online shopaholics pls go take a look k!

meeting the fsv girls later at ps. im gonna be early again. but im not gonna go ps first cos i KNOW i will trot over to charlesnkeith and spend somemore. imma be a good girl and sit in the office till one of them is near ps.

07 July 2008

Koh Samui 2008

on our way to the airport
the wind in my hair...
dropped by T3 to take a look. that is a whole lot of unused trolleys!
to our boarding gate!
on the plane!
(gave me quite a shock on the way there. the plane decided to drop a few metres during mealtime. i lost my appetite.)
after about 2 hours, we reach samui airport! very cute, the whole airport was open concept and very resort styled. the toilets however, were air conditioned. LOL.
and we reach our ocean villa at Punnpreeda!
right at our doorstep, the pool and beach.
the outer view of our villa.
and from the inside...
Villa 502!
i love our bed! very poster bed-ish.

by the time we settled in it was already night. we roamed the nearby 7-11, got ourselves a rented dvd and some snacks and decided to turn in for the night.

***

the next morning!
day view of the pool. it isnt dirty, its just that the tiles in the pool were green.
walkway to our villa.
realised the bf took alot of pics of the villa. hmmm...
all geared up and ready for the day!
we missed our in-hotel breakfast cos THE BF thought thailand was ahead of sg time. but in actual fact, we were 1 hr behind sg time. we couldve saved a meal outside and ate in hotel. *grumbles*
so, we ventured to the main beach of chaweng, and found somewhere to eat.
flipping the koh samui introduction booklet, i found this.
Bee Tele and Yuth becomes...
OMG!!! *jaw drops*
our yummy stir fried beef.
mixed vege in oyster sauce.
my MUST-HAVE and ALL TIME LOVE in thailand - TOM YAM SOUP!
i had it for 3 consecutive days!!

after getting our tummies filled with delectable thai food, we head to Chaweng Beach!

up to our knees in the waters, and still can see our toes clearly. we can even see small fishies darting around our legs!
the beautiful chaweng beach!
the sky was clear that day.
sunny-kisses.
i slapped on quite a fair share of sunblock.

but after a while's strolling on the beach, we felt like we needed a good pamper. SPA!!!!!!!!! we looked around and decided to get pampered at Le Paradis.
3 hours plus of being a king and queen for 6400 baht.
(inclusive of a spa bath, full body aromatheraphy massage, foot scrub and massage, and honey scrub facial and mask)
our SPA BATH! covered in flower petals and aroma oils.
petal-fied.
i made him look like he was raped. LOL.
after 3 hrs plus and money well spent, WE ARE REJUVENATED!!! see!!! we GLOWWWW!!!!"this is the entrance to Le Paradis."

Afterwards, we walked down the streets of Chaweng.

"where am i?"
Not the usual Library with books, this is a restaurant!

i walked into a Rip Curl store to find myself a surprise!

PUPPYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*squeals* it was too cute to resist!!!
just loooooooook!!! i wanted to dognap it home!!!
oh wait, theres 3 of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!
after a few hours, we stopped for a rest and fruit shakes.
wasnt as fantastic as the watermelon shakes i had in bangkok.

after walking around till i feet ached, we still didnt buy much. i just bought a dress. i conclude samui isnt good for shopping at all.

when nightfall came, we went back to the hotel to dine by the beach, under the stars...
romantic it was. the photos could not capture the beautiful serenity of the night.

after dinner, we checked out the day tours at the resort lobby, and signed up for a snorkeling day tour. then we turned in early for the night, as the day tour started early at 7am.

***

Lomprayah Day Tour to Koh Tao & Koh Nangyuan!
kinda sleepy actually, but still excited!
our catamarans that will take us to Koh Nangyuan.
and from Koh Nangyuan, we transferred to a bum boat that will bring us to Koh Tao for snorkeling. in the midst of slapping on lotsa sublock, we still had time to pose for a pic!
the beautiful ocean.
me is much excited!
you can see the corals from the surface!
crystal clear waters.

my first attempt at snorkeling, and i loved it! i wish i could go deeper into the water but me is not licensed diver. met a super cute dive photographer on the trip. i was gushing abt him the whole trip, much to dar's dismay and frowns. but it was JUST gushing, thats all.

after snorkeling, we were back at Koh Nangyuan to have lunch, and pretty much spend the rest of the day by the beach.
eager for lunch!
buffet lunch cooked by the locals.
i couldnt stop taking pics.
the pics dont even do justice to the real view.
ha. ha. ha.
just as i thought, i had to pay for these deckchairs. 100 baht for two chairs.
my boy having much fun.
me having my own kind of fun.
the snorkeling tourists.
our sand-filled praias.
i fell asleep at some point.
Nangyuan Resort Island.
our catamaran.
on our way back, we sat on the top deck, to get the best of the ocean view. we were the only asians to do that. the rest were all caucasians.
awww...

it was evening when we got back from our day tour. we decided to watch the sunset, and laze by the poolside. i was initially swimming, until a pair of 'lovebirds' got me running out of the pool. this lewd caucasian guy was hugging, kissing, fondling, smooching this thai lady (imo, is fugly) and she was giggling around whilst teaching him thai words. major EEW!

the view from our poolside deckchairs.
he was tired.
i was tired times two. i fell asleep.
one of my two favourite shots.
the other favourite shot. sunset comes...
my boy loves our praias.
after bathing and lazing around, we decided to get dinner.
just next to our resort was this dainty cafe - The Olive Tree.
i had a iced caramel (pure heaven!) and he had a hot chocolate.
star shaped rice! red curry beef, sweet sour chicken, and pork omelete. YUMMMS!

after dinner, we rented another dvd, stocked up snacks at 7-11 and spent our last night at the villa. sighs. i cant bear to say goodbye...

***

the dreaded morning...

we bade goodbye to the beautiful island of koh samui. packed our bags, ate our breakfast, and boarded our private airport transfer.

i thank the punnpreeda staff for their immaculate service and hospitality. they have been nothing but welcoming and warm, and it has been a delightful stay with them.

and we are back to samui airport.
dar and a furry bikini babe.
the shopping area inside their airport. doesnt look like an airport does it? the place was largely still under construction. but it looked pretty nice.
we looked happy, but we really werent. we didnt wanna go back to sg.
being dumb.
the waiting lounge and boarding 'gate' for our flight.
complimentary drinks and bites. the blueberry drink was goooood for the hot weather.
no digital signage. all manual input.
reluctant to leave.
trams to ferry us to the aeroplane.
a totally different kind of airport.
dar was happy to be so near to the plane.
no aerobridge.
we sat on row 24, the last row, on the way back.
bye samui...
occupy myself with my dslite...
look! punnpreeda was featured on the in flight magazines.
my potato chips blew up to this size due to the air pressure.

***

the end of my koh samui holiday. krabi next? :)